Laura’s pregnancy affirmations

I have a perfect body, but sometimes I forget
I have a perfect body, ’cause my eyelashes catch my sweat.
Yes they do, they really, really do.
~Regina Spektor, Folding Chair

I have a few friends at work who either recently had babies or are also pregnant right now.  I enjoy chatting pregnancy / parenthood with them even though they are all much better at said activities than I am.  Yesterday, a couple of them were talking about affirmation CDs they have with kind voices telling them things like, “You are beautiful and strong… You will be an amazing mother… Your hips and abs will spring back into place minutes after delivery…” etc.  Nobody told me about these fabulous sycophants during my first pregnancy. 

Unfortunately, I can’t afford an Affirmations CD, so I’ve decided to create my own list. I got most of these off the intertubes, but have added some personal notes.  

Laura’s Pregnancy Affirmations:

• I am calm, cool, and confident throughout my pregnancy. This is the most beautiful nine months of my life!
       My A/C is set to 55 degrees.  Definitely cool.  My husband is a little hypothermic.
  
• I am strong and healthy and sailing right through this pregnancy.
       I have been sailing before.  My dad used to take us.  I think maybe he still has the sailboat.
  
• My chakras are perfectly aligned and I am full of love for mankind.
       I haven’t flipped off anybody today.  Yet.
  
• I have never had more energy.  I am vivacious and young and channeling my inner gazelle.
        I got out of bed this morning.  I’m a rockstar.
  
• Breathing in, I know I am a great mother. Breathing out, I AM a great mother!
      The fetus is pressing on my diaphragm.  Hey, Fetus - get the %#^ off my diaphragm so I can breathe!
  
• I am as nimble as a cheetah.  
       I can still reach my knees… well, kind of.
  
• My body is beautifully nourishing the child I carry. My child is perfectly healthy.
       Based on the size of my belly, my baby is most likely HUGE.  If you’re a baby, I think huge generally is synonymous with “Nourished.”
  
• This pregnancy has made me even more beautiful.  I am a sexy goddess.
      I managed to shave one of my legs this morning.  The other one will have to wait until I give birth, likely.
  
• How my child is born is MY choice and I choose natural birth!
      I will not get an epidural until I have contractions.  See, totally natural.
  
• I am committed to consciously raising this child. All the unconscious generational negativity stops with me!
       I don’t actually know what this means.
  
• Contractions help to bring my baby.
       They also kind of hurt.
  
• I accept my labor and birth.
       Because it turns out that keeping the baby inside you forever is not actually an option.  Just sayin’.
  
• I visualize my baby moving gently through the birth canal.
      I also visualize puddles of blood when my hoo-haw rips to shreds.  I watch a lot of live-birth videos on youtube.  It helps me visualize.

Tim recently told me I need to “think positive” in order to go full-term this time around.  I think I’m well on my way, don’t you?