(AP) Boston, MA. Boston University took time off from buzzing about its famous serial killer today for the 15th annual Russek Student Achievement Day. The affair celebrated the work of many of BU’s hard-working students, including first-prize winner Timothy Hanley. Mr. Hanley was honored for his work in the field of HIV research, as well as his community service and positive impact on fellow students and the scientific community. He was last year’s winner of the Corwin award, a highly competitive prize given to students who excel in both academics and citizenship. Mr. Hanley is not only a senior PhD student, but also a medical student, which means he will eventually need to be called Dr. Dr. Hanley, or maybe Drs. Hanley. He was encouraged to apply for the award by Professor Nikolajczyk, whose name no man, woman or child can pronounce. Mr. Hanley presented a talk in the afternoon entitled, “Nuclear Receptor Signaling Inhibits Dendritic Cell-Mediated HIV-1 Capture and Trans-infection.” According to a local Science-to-English translator, he is trying to cure The AIDS.

Students like Laura Dickey, whose research wasn’t far along or curing-the-aids enough to be considered for prizes, were allowed to present posters in a science-fair-esque manner. Ms. Dickey, whose relationship to Mr. Hanley is unclear, said that she regretted that she couldn’t think of any reasons to claim part of his 1500 USD prize money, but would try her best to manipulate him into taking her to Tangierino’s anyway.