Tim and I are delighted to have found each other and to have added Squiggles to our family; however, we have been feeling that our family isn’t complete yet. After much discussion and soul-searching, we are happy to announce that we will be adding a new member to our family…
… we are now accepting applications for Tim’s second wife!
We are fairly flexible on things like hair color, body weight, hobbies, etc. The only real requirements are:
- You must be able to cook. Three meals a day. Maybe four. Preferably nutritious and delicious meals. Yeah… four. Also, Indian food is required at least once or twice a week.
- You must be able to clean. We both work full time and Squiggles is not pulling her weight.
- You must be able to iron. Aside from time constraints, we actually just don’t like ironing.
- You must be able to do odds and ends like replacing the timing belts in the cars on schedule, fixing the broken electrical circuits in the laundry closet, fishing poop out of the tub after Squiggles starts screaming and pointing at said feces like it’s a fire-breathing dragon, building furniture from scratch, etc.
- You must love musicals, especially the Sound of Music.
- You must, above all, bake bread. Every. Single. Day.
- You must bear us many more babies. I love me some babies, but I don’t love me some pregnancy, see.
We don’t actually have that much to offer in return, other than a warm house and hearts full of love… and a pretty nice toaster, really. We’ll take care of the finances if you can whip our domestic affairs into shape. If you feel you are a good match for our family, please drop a line. We hope to marry you as soon as humanly possible.
This is going to be soooooo great!
13 comments:
My gosh...I think you've been watching a bit too much "Big Love". :) Will Tim's wife be required to wear homemade pastel dresses and feather her bangs? Is there a relocation to Texas involved?
(BTW: You really had me excited there for a line or two that Squiggles might get a sibling! So mean...).
Congratulations on making the big step to open yourselves up to these possibilities. I'm sure the future three of you will be very happy. Though I will not allow you to wear homemade pastel dresses and feather bangs. You're far too cute in jeans and funky hats.
Also, I'll pay for freshly baked bread. Probably a lot, actually. So there's that.
Classic photo.
I would do it just for the toaster. Call me. ;)
LOL. A couple o fmy friends and I have often commented that communal living makes a lot of sense. We've decided that multiple wives wouldn't work for us, but that the combined effort of several women to cook, clean, pay attention to children, etc. is great. We started getting together every Thursday to do projects together. It was great. It was also great to go home to our separate husbands! :) No sharing allowed on that one. :)
I would like to be on the selection committee. Not only will she be my sister wife-in-law, she will also have the pleasure of playing with my kids when I drop them off with her and run oft to Mohegan Sun a couple of times a week. This is going to be great.
I want to "like" Cami's comment. ;)
Erin: so do I. They should add that functionality.
Also, I bet she would let us come with her.
Classic post! M and I enjoyed reading it. And Cami, I hope my influence didn't spark your casino runs. But I'm glad you're supporting the Mohegan tribe. ;)
I call dibs. Can't make too many promisses about food and cleaning, but musicals I love and babies I can bear!!
Marsha and Julie: It would be a dream come true to have either of you be a sister wife. The thought of both of you being sister wives makes me almost have an aneurysm of joy.
That's too funny! I was all ready with the congratulations. Good luck on your search and may you find the perfect sister wife ;)
=) Oh Laura! Just get busy!
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