Solicitation

Okay guys...

This is no ordinary contest (guess how many straws Calvin put down the drain, where Eli hid his toothbrushes, how Jonathan and Jeffrey took another ten years off their parents' lives, or predict how close Joanne is to running out of iron)... to enter you must craft a wedding announcment for me for the local newspaper. Hint: only entries that are humorous, absurd, or mildly scandalous (but clean) will be seriously considered. For examples, see http://hjnews.townnews.com/articles/2009/10/28/milestones/weddings/wed01-10-25-09.txt. Please e-mail entries to laurita33 (at) gmail (dot) com.

Ivy... 5 months ago...

Brief footage of Ivy's introduction to her siblings. Cami, I'll delete these if you want. Can you download them from there?

Ahem...

To the person who:

• Has done 100% of my laundry for the past 3 months, including towels, linens, and kitchen rags (and according to my ridiculously picky specifications)
  
• Has made me dinner a finity times, even if it meant running to the grocer at the last second to buy orange jello and/or Lipton soup and/or butternut squash and/or saltines and/or peach yogurt


• Gives me a ride to school every day, even though it costs a hundred thousand dollars per hour to park at the BU garage


• Has held my hair out of my face many times while I’ve returned my breakfast / lunch / dinner to the good earth


• Empties my mop bucket / throws away my freezer bag (see previous item)


• Drives slowly around corners, and accelerates and decelerates gently, even though he is categorically opposed to driving like a 90-year-old


• Carries my book bag (well… laptop bag) to class (lab) every day


• Dusted my bookshelves… with Pledge


• Cleaned my bathroom, including toilet scrubbing


• Cleaned my kitchen


• Cleaned my living room


• Cleaned my bedroom


• Drove to three different grocery stores in search of banana-flavored ice cream popsicles (the east coast has never even heard of monkey bars… so ridiculous)


• Disposed of the rotten blocking solution in my lab before my safety inspection so I wouldn’t get in trouble
  
• Tells me I look pretty when I haven't washed my hair for three days and clearly look like a truck.


• Watched Grey’s Anatomy with me. Twice. Even though he much would rather empty puke buckets…


• Gives me a reason to keep smiling every day.

Thank you.

Smells like teen spirit

Just some miscallaneous things:

1. A letter:

Dear Corporate America,

I realize that variety packs are neat and all, but why can I not purchase items in a stand-alone fashion (i.e. without being forced to buy other flavors, which in my case go completely to waste)? For example, why can't I buy:

• Only tangerine flavored jello packs?
• Only banana laffy taffy?
• Only peaches and cream Quaker oatmeal?
• Only sour apple jolly ranchers?

I don't want the other flavors - they taste like they came from the dentist's office.

Sincerely,
Laura

2. Tim finds it patently unacceptable that my sisters and I use our toes to pick up small items off the floor. I have asked him to produce evolutionary or religious evidence to suggest that this is not included in the measure of their creation, but he has, so far, failed to do so.

3. I was born with a very strong sense of smell. This has been magnified lately, and I cannot help but shutter at the smelly world in which we live. 24 hours a day, I am tormented not only by the squalid details of living in a city (urine, vomit, people who don't so much shower every month), but also by the smells of "unscented" products like soap, deodorant, lotion, and water. Sick. Can't somebody invent a de-smellifier? I already tried nose plugs, but they severely impeded my ability to breathe through my nose.

4. Tim made Canadian Thanksgiving dinner last night. We invited Cami's family, his sister Jen's family, and his mother. The children all played nicely together (I've never seen such frightening aligators, cougars, killer turtles, and snakes in my life), and Cami didn't pull Tim's sister's hair. Even once. So I guess we're all friends.