Official Family Photo, 2010

Hey, Remember That Time?

Fact: Today I am 33.

Also a fact: 33 is my favorite number.

Since it’s my favorite-number birthday, I’m going to indulge in some memories, inspired by Regina Spektor’s song That Time. You might recognize yourself in some of these memories…

Hey, remember that time...

… we were too tired to find a real campsite in the Tetons, so we camped in a field and woke up with a herd of bison outside our tent?

… you did the Riverdance in the holy room while we waited for your wedding to begin?

… we flew to Salt Lake in your friend’s prop plane, rented a car, ate burgers at some dive, and flew back home in time to see a movie?

… we invited about a thousand people to go on a road trip and ended up camping on the lawn of the retirement home community in Saint George? Those old people loved us, mostly because Jacob Marble played BINGO with them.

… you got diarrhea every time we went mountain biking so we named a hill in your honor?

… I stayed home sick and we watched Return to Oz and ate Frosted Mini-Wheats all day? I loved that day, Mom.

… red-faced Glen stomped out of our class?

… Mom and Dad went on a day trip and left Michael in charge and he took us to McDonalds because he was generous like that and we got in a head-on collision, and Mom didn’t really get that mad, even though we left five-year-old Karen home to babysit Lance?

… you helped me find all my classes before my first day of college? That was so nice. I get lost a lot.

… I filled your sink with rocks? You didn’t like them.

… we went night-swimming at Walden Pond?

… we played Catch Phrase with Grandma Dickey?

… you and Amber put out your fire boy-scout style? That was a disaster.

… we met Aneesa’s uncle’s neighbor while we were trying to find Providence cave and he took us rock climbing instead? That guy was a lunatic.

… we took the train to New York, but somehow lost Darin and Sarah?

… we got caught in the rain and floods on the Crimson trail? Best night ever.

... we played capture the flag at Grandma's with all the cousins?

… I didn’t get married that one time?

… I didn’t get married that other time, either?

… or that other time?

… Horse-Cow-PIG!?

… Chadene and Julie were in their “sloths!” phase?

… we produced The Anky-Skay Airy-Fay?

… I broke off my engagement and you found out your boyfriend cheated on you in the same day? We got tired of crying so we went on a bike ride and had a blast.

… we kissed each other on a dare when we were, like, 12?

... you came to visit me while I was in labor, and every morning in the NICU? That meant the world to me.

… we got lost on every girls’ camp hike we went ever went on?

… I actually got married?

… you said something inappropriate at work?

… I was your flower girl and got to walk down the spiral staircase in a pretty dress? I felt like a princess.

… you gave the best valedictorian’s speech ever? I was so proud to be your sister.

… I yelled at the lady in the mall for smoking what turned out to be a fake cigarette?

… you started speaking Spanish to the Mexicans at Wal*mart? You don’t actually know Spanish.

… we accidentally had the baby in Utah?

… you “kind of” made out with Honeyman?

… a bear ate our oatmeal and our pillows?

… we got through our difficult pregnancies by e-mailing each other our sob stories?

… we sang Sound of Music songs while riding to Bridal Veil Falls?

… we slept on the trampoline and Dad told us “mean man” stories, in which he (and all the forest animals, of course) would inevitably rescue us from having to do endless chores for a grouchy old man?

… Nate took us for a ride in his plane, and let you fly solo for a while? I’ve never seen you that excited.

... We hiked Mt. Monadnock, went swimming, and ate giant ice cream cones? That was a good day.

… we all failed qualifying exams, but decided to go out and celebrate anyway?

… you let me ride your pretty green bike down Boylston Street? Everybody was yelling at us.

… we got into an argument about skiing technique, so you walked home from the D.I. in Logan?

… we got lost trying to find Bloomington Lake?

… you stayed up all night helping me study for qualifying exams, round two?

… we had a 45-minute conversation about our superpowers without cracking a smile?

… we went to Yellowstone every summer when we were kids? Those trips were the best.

... I was plotting to steal an adorable Navajo princess?

... you were there when I pushed a five-pound life form out of my uterus? I'm glad you were there.

… our dates decided they were more into each other than into us (or women in general) so we sang songs all the way home from Nevada while they made out in the backseat and thought they were being discreet?

… we ate rice and beans for dinner essentially every night for 18 months in the Hancock house?

… Trev ran up a tree?

… you got spaghetti sauce on my shirt, tried to clean it, burned a hole in it with a hair dryer (obviously) , and hid it under your bed?

… we were too tired to find a real campsite in La Sal so we slept under the stars and realized when we woke up that we were in somebody else’s site?

… we went on a Sunrise Surprise outing by the lake?

… we kissed each other on a dare when we were, like, 28?

… we tried to watch The Age of Innocence?

… we made banana boats and told stories in your room every night?

… we got lost trying to find the polygamy caves?

… we were too lazy to find a real campsite in the desert, so we slept on a big red rock without tents and woke up to an amazing sunrise?

… we got in a fight so I threw a hamburger at your head from my second-floor apartment? That was a good shot.

... we gave you fish sticks for your birthday?

… I was run over while trying to bum a ride off the trooper on the way to Tony Grove?

… we got lost trying to ski the backside of the Beav?

… I got 11 flat tires on one ride in Gooseberry Mesa and then your car got a flat on the way home?

… we were too lazy to find a real campsite in the middle of some canyon somewhere kind of by Moab, and woke up to a police officer of the law demanding that we leave immediately? Rude.

… there was a double complete rainbow ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE SKY?

Thanks for 33 years of memories.

Channeling her inner Whitney Houston

Unlike her relatively antisocial parents, Squiggles loves everybody, and smiles and waves ecstatically at just about anybody within her visual radius; however, she reserves kisses for people she really, truly loves - me, Tim, Cami... and apparently herself. I put her in front of a full-length mirror the other day and thought she might explode with giddyness. She giggled and kissed the mirror for a good twenty minutes.

I was pleased because, as the great philosopher stated, "The greatest love of all is learning to love yourself."

Photos courtesy of Tim's antique cellular telephoning device.

Some important considerations for a Monday morning

• Tim continues to be disturbed by my (and my sisters') "insistence" on using our toes for "unnatural" purposes. The other day the baby rolled under our couch. I was sitting down, and since she was fairly close to my feet, I naturally used them to pull her out from under the couch. Tim then relayed a story about a dinner party we were at last week. My cardigan had apparently dropped from my lap to the floor. My four-year-old nephew Calvin was sitting close to it, so Tim asked him to hand it to him. Calvin said, "Sure!" He then carefully took off his shoe and corresponding sock, and picked up and handed Tim the cardigan with his toes. I'm so proud.
  
  
• We went to a catholic wedding Saturday afternoon. I'm a little embarrassed that it's the first time I've been to a catholic mass. It is harder to sleep during mass because there is a lot of standing up, sitting down, kneeling down, waving of hands, and singing to and/or with the priest. Good time had by all, and the bride was stunning, of course. (Tim tells me that he's never been to such a mass, and he was raised catholic.)
  
  
• I was impaled by a baby rattle this week, and have suffered moderate to severe bruising and humiliation. In the future, I'm going to watch where I sit.

Boo.

We were going to be Little Bo Peep and her Little Lost Sheep, but the costume shops seem to be under the impression that Little Bo Peep was an exotic dancer or stripper. Then we were going to be Little Miss Muffet and the Spider Beside Her. Repeat Bo Peep experience. So we decided to be Samantha and Tabatha.

On an unrelated note, Tim and Squiggles have a new morning ritual.