Thank you ever so kindly for humoring my call for abstracts... I mean wedding announcements. I loved all of them, and they made me laugh heartily. Also, thanks for all the exaggerated and far-too-generous compliments like "smart" "pretty" and/or "will probably someday find the cure for Restless Leg Syndrome." You guys are the best. I couldn't choose just one, so I'm posting all of them, in random order. Enjoy.
~Cami is a borderline genius stay-at-home mom whose progeny will, undoubtedly, one day harness the power of the atom:
Ryan, Ben, Joaby, Judd, BJ, Clayton, Richard, Mike, Josh, Kevin, Anthony, Eric, Nate, Tyler, Jeff, Mace, Collin, Metchuin, Adler, Mark, and Chris skeptically (and in some cases bitterly) announce the marriage and alleged commitment of
Laurita Thirty-Three Dickey
to
Timothy Shinobi Hanley
Who is himself an incredibly secretive person, and even Laura is still not sure of his origin. The couple will declare their everlasting love and nuptials on the 29th day of December, exactly 10 years and 7 months after the fateful day she cancelled another such an event. Despite his Mormon appearances and missionary magnetism, Tim’s a heathen, so the wedding will be in a gargantuan house, not the House on the Hill (you know you were scanning for that). Before you leave for the wedding, please check Laura's blog for any last minute adjustments/ changes/ cancellations. Gifts are non-returnable. A lavish reception will be held on the bluff above Tony Grove lake in the deepest sink hole. Bring your crampons and descending gear (but please, no ascending gear). Anyone with a bone to pick with either the bride or the groom is welcome to attend the reception.
Laura, despite her bevy of ex-boyfriends, has turned into the quite the Spinster of late. She started out okay, graduating from Moun’N Crest High School way way back in 1996 (before the interwebs and cell phones and Facebook and such) where she participated in the feminine sports of diving and sprinting and had a boyfriend on the basketball and football teams. But then she went on to USU and got a useless degree in Engineering and studied dirt. Eww, gross. After her nerdy degree she went traveling, which is okay if you go to cute places like Lake Pal and Hawaii and Thanksgiving point, but she went to Japan and Thailand (teaching English and kindergarten, respectively) where she was chased by wild rabid dogs and little old Japanese ladies shouting, “Gaijin, Gaijin!” Afterward she went to BYU, but before you sigh in relief, it was to major in Microbiology, aka little bugs. Double ewww. She got very dirty and sweaty there as she obsessed about her bikes and finding trails. As if she didn’t even care about finding her EC. When she found herself still a Spinsty three years later, she moved out to Boston and threw away every chance of happiness by being accepted into a doctoral program in Cooties. But against all odds, she found love there through the Erlenmeyer looking glass, and it was Tim on the other side of the lab.
Timothy presumably graduated from high school somewhere in Massachusetts (probably near or in Weymouth), since it is almost confirmed that he is enrolled in the same Cooties Doctoral program as Laura, and plans to finish medical school once his doctorate is complete (I know, I’m confused too- it sounds redundant- isn’t a doctor a doctor?). My ears are burning just from divulging that much information about him, since he will now probably find a way to send virtual Chinese stars over the internet to kill this document and protect his highly private life.
The couple is registered at Sunrise Cyclery, Café Rio, and Thermo Fisher Scientific. Showers were thrown by the makers of the clean room (with a little help from OSHA), and ensured that the bride and groom weren’t infected with RSV and The Aids.
Mike is a hilarious teacher of mostly uninspired high school students. He was trained as a technical writer, but I assure you is capable of much more beautiful prose than the following:
Laura Leigh Dickey of Millville, UT and Tim (insert last name) of (insert place of birth) are getting married at (insert location) on (insert date and time). The bride is a graduate student of infectious diseases attending Boston University in Boston Mass. where she met the groom, who is a medical student at (insert school here). After wedding the couple intends to (insert life plans here).
Michelle is a libarian who lives in sunny southern CA., and I not-so-secretly covet her life.
Mr. and Mrs. Dickey are pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter, Laura, to Tim H. son of a father and a mother. Their wedding will take place on December 29, 2009 in Utah.
The bride grew up in Cache Valley and received her bachelor's degree right here in Logan, Utah. After pursuing other interests which may or may not have included psychic reading and a failed career at a scrapbooking magazine, Laura moved south to pursue her Master's Degree at Brigham Young University. In Provo, she enjoyed a vivacious night life including hiking the "Y" and the BYU Creamery. After successfully receiving her Master's degree, she decided to abandon Utah and get her PhD in immunology at Boston University. Here she met Tim.
Tim H. was raised on the South Shore in Boston and spent his youth skipping rocks and studying for the Harvard entrance examinations. His hard work paid off when he became youngest rock skipping champion in New England history. At the age of 22, Tim graduated from Harvard, went on a world tour, and pursued interests which may or may not have included managing a Jiffy Lube, competing in an iron man, and ice sculpture. Tim is currently pursuing an MD/PHD at Boston University and is researching a cure for the AIDS.
Mr. and Mrs. H. will make their home in the Greater Boston Area.
My sister Karen is beautiful, cheerful, and probably seems like a very good sort of girl. But I can tell you that she is mostly pure mischief, is perfectly capable of scandalous impropriety, and can get you laughing so hard you'll pee your pants.
Dave and Lynette Dickey of Millville are pleased (read: shocked out of their pants and slightly apprehensive) to announce the marriage of their daughter, Laura Leigh, to Timothy Hanley of Boston, MA. The couple will be married on December 29th, 2009 at the Riter Mansion. (Read: Not the Logan LDS temple where I have it on good authority that they do not under any circumstances allow the NON-members ((read, The Atheists)) to attend).
Laura was born and raised in Cache Valley. She enjoys (read: lives for and would cease functionality without) biking, hiking, skiing, canoeing, reading, writing, and even on occasion, dancing (read: you should see her sweet salsa moves). She graduated from Mountain Crest High School in 1996. (Read: like 5000 years ago in Utah marriage years). She went on to attend Utah State University, graduating with a degree in Biological Engineering; Brigham Young University with a Master’s in Gross Diseases; and she is currently working her hiney off obtaining her PhD at Boston University, researching and finding cures for such things as Restless Leg Syndrome, Swine Fever, and the Aids. (Read: Laura was smarter than you on her first day of kindergarten)
Tim was born and raised on the East Coast. (Read: I don’t actually know where he is from.) He also enjoys biking, hiking, running, and reading. It has also been rumored that he has an affinity for board games (read: is the only human on planet Earth to ever beat Peter Jones at Trivial Pursuit ((read: he was welcomed into the family IMMEDIATELY))). He graduated from high school at some point and has since then obtained more schooling than anyone else you have ever met or heard of. He is the smartest man in the universe. As a side note, he has also managed to fascinate and capture the heart of one of the most delightful women of my acquaintance. A feat not easily done. (Read: Seriously.) (Also read: Like I said, smartest man in the universe.)
Laura and Tim met and fell in love while donning stylish space suits (read: if you can find love in your heart for someone in one of those things, it’s destiny) and discussing the mysteries of life, including, but limited to, the instability and moodiness and down-right selfishness of... certain bacteria. After the wedding, they will reside in Cambridge, MA and continue yet some more education. (Read: shocker).
The happy couple are registered at The Bombay House, Whole Foods, R.E.I, and Babies R’ Us. (Read: Ahem.)
Angie is a textbook editor by day, and an eyelash modeler by night. She also has superpowers, but I can't tell you what they are:
Once upon a time there was a girl named Laura. Laura had very shiny hair and was a very pretty girl. While growing up, she learned 6 different languages and drew up the plans for the remodeling of the capital building. Since she was such an impressive girl, she was showered with much praise and fame throughout her high school career where she excelled at quantum physics and fencing. After graduation, she got her undergraduate degree in modeling with straight A's in classes such as "How to look good in skinny jeans 101" and received top marks on her thesis entitled "Catwalk techniques from the 14th century". She decided people might think she was shallow with a degree in modeling so for graduate school she resolved to find a degree that would show off her mind as well as her body. She was quickly accepted to Boston University because of not only her grades, but her stunning modeling portfolio which included a few semi-nude shots (which she shared with pride).
Whilst in graduate school she met a boy named Tim. Tim was always considered by his friends and family as one "top-notch" guy. He was offered a role in several high-profile movies (which are not named here due to contract privacy clauses) but turned them down as he was too busy developing superior agricultural techniques to assist food shortages in third-world countries. Tim enjoys designing medieval costuming for traveling renaissance fairs as well as writing scripts for the theater. Tim not only excels in the arts, but he has also dabbled in the sciences as well and is currently working on a cure for male pattern baldness. Tim also was accepted to BU where he met the love of his life Laura. When he met her, he immediately stole a small piece of her hair and found she had perfectly compatible genetic codes which meant they would have children who not only looked like Greek Gods, but would likely be smart enough to solve global warming and resurrect all the extinct species on the globe (that's right people, we're talking DINOSAURS here).
Joanne is a left-brained expert in European economics and financial ummm... stuff. She is really, really smart and probably the most responsible human I've ever met. And I've met my mother. She really likes fish sticks, but will dip french fries in tartar sauces in a pinch. She found the following poem:
It takes a lot of frogs to find your princess or your prince,
But their love at first sight has been growing every since.
Together, their days have been filled with laughter
So join Laura and Tiim as they live happily ever after!
Erin studies super dangerous mutant viruses. Her goal in life is to make me look like a very bad dresser and disinterested student.
Dave and Lynette Dickey, of somewhere outside of Logan, Utah, are pleased to finally, and hopefully actually, announce the upcoming wedding of their daughter, Laura Leigh Dickey to Timothy Michael Hanley. Laura and Timothy will be married in a small, private ceremony in Logan, Utah on December 29, 2009 (but not at the Logan LDS Temple).
The bride was raised in Logan and graduated from [Fill-in-the-blank] High School and Utah State University with a B.S. in [Some-kind-of] Engineering. She then went on to hold several jobs in several locations over the next few years. She returned to school in 2003 and is still working to complete a PhD in microbiology at Boston University in Boston, Mass.
The groom grew up in Weymouth, Mass. and graduated from [Fill-in-the-blank] High School and Harvard University with a B.S. in Political Science. He worked as a research technician for the next many years before returning to school in 2004. He is currently working to complete both an M.D. and a PhD in microbiology at Boston University in Boston, Mass. and plans to finish in 2012 before going on to do a residency.
The couple met during coursework at Boston University in 2006, and they have spent very little time outside of the university since that time. They will make their home somewhere in the cheaper suburbs of Boston after a brief honeymoon in Logan.
Wedding showers will be held by the bride’s family in Utah and by the couple in Boston. They would like to thank their friends and family for their assistance in planning and willingness to hide shocked looks.
